Beautiful Monster.

It’s Like…

that moment when you don’t know how to say “come save me” . That little voice in your head thats telling you to be strong when your heart is saying cry. Im torn. Between vulnerability & pride. Can someone tell me how to give your all to the same person that took it from you? Cause apparently what I’m doing isnt working. Over & over I tell myself that the pain will fade & i’ll be okay but, the more i try , the deeper i sink .

Love hurts. Here I am again, sitting in an empty room w. A heavy heart & nobody to lean on. Nobody to cry to cause nobody understands. I’m afraid of the girl that I love. What kind of fuckery is that? Like how am I supposed to hand you the heart that belongs to you when the thought of giving myself to you is too overwhelming to think about?

FUCK. I love this girl. & more than anything I wish she truly understood how much. But my pain, that’s never understood. I’m just supposed to hand over my forgiveness because a sorry was issued & changes were promised.

That feeling, when your whole heart gets ripped out by the only person you trusted it with & that same person is asking for the chance to do it again , idk how to deal. I wish it didnt hurt as much because I desperately need this girl. But my heart needs security & no matter what I’m told, I domt believe I have it.

Im afraid that if I give in , history will repeat itself. Idk. Maybe there’s something wrong w. Me. Maybe I took it too hard & i shouldnt be as hurt as I am. Maybe I should just let it go, cause people make mistakes & shit happens.

Idk. Idk what to do. All I know is that I’m hurting & as usual, nobody understands.